Sunday, February 27, 2011

Six Sentence Sunday - #2

Six Sentence Sunday is a blog ring (no, not a chain letter - remember those?) founded and kept up by the Six Sentence Sunday blogger. Check it out, and visit the other participants!

This is the first paragraph of my YA magical realism short story from a YAFF Muse called ANOTHER TURN. You can see the full post here.

I thought I tucked the insult safe inside my mouth. Still, on exhale the words escaped, the last slipping past my lips before I could catch my breath. Three syllables hung in the air, they snapped and crackled with all the anger and pain that had propelled them forward. I hate you. I wanted to take it back, but pride isn’t pretty. Instead I allowed them to gain substance in the silence and walked away.

Thanks for stopping by and I hope you enjoyed it.

38 comments:

  1. I love it. I love your excerpt here. "I thought I tucked the insult safe inside my mouth." Beautiful.

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  2. Hate is such a strong word to use, especially in anger. Perfect way to get that point across!

    cbandy10(at)hotmail(dot)com

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  3. Great lines. Love how you expressed her anger and emotion. Wonderful how she tried to grab the words back and blurted them anyway!

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  4. This is great. You do a wonderful job of showing us her pain, anger, and finally regret. Very difficult to do in such a short amount of space. Wonderful job!

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  5. I really liked this. Certainly makes me want to know what happened, to whom the words were spoken. Great hook!

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  6. Nicely done six sentences. I'll be back next week!

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  7. Lots of emotion packed into these six. Love magical realism!

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  8. That was an awesome six. It just feels so heavy. I can almost see the words dropping and making a thud as they hit the ground. (It's too many comic books).

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  9. U hit a sixer there !! loved the line !! well described and emotions ;)

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  10. Wow, powerful sentences! I love the emotion!

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  11. I am so addicted to YA books lately- thanks for adding a new genre to SSS

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  12. Very emotional and perfect for the YA genre.

    joderjo402 AT gmail DOT com

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  13. Thank you everyone! :) I'm so pleased you like it. FYI I will be getting to everyone's six tonight and tomorrow - I've got to work today. I can't wait to see everyone's contribution!

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  14. Wow! I love how you showed us so much rather than just having her say those three words and walking away. Great job!

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  15. Wow, those words just slapped me in the face!

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  16. WOW. "Three syllables hung in the air, they snapped and crackled with all the anger and pain that had propelled them forward." WOW nicely put!

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  17. Great six. I love the way you animated the comment.

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  18. Very nice! I love the way you describe things.

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  19. Very nice! There is so much emotion in these sentences.

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  20. Very nice!

    beckerjo(at)verizon(dot)net

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  21. Very nice. I want to know who the comment was directed at and why. Really really good.

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  22. Strong six! Hints at the character and suspense in what led to the outburst.

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  23. Oh, that is nicely done! Really, really good.

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  24. Letting the words just hang there, wonderful!

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  25. Yikes. Those are not words you want to give substance too. Great snippet!

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  26. Loved your excerpt! very well written!

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